just some thoughts from the heart...
i'm so thankful for a Savior who loves me despite my failures... the past 2 days He has really reminded me that He doesn't have to love me, yet He chooses to. Thank You Jesus!!
i'm excited to only have 30 hours of school left (1 year) but also very scared b/c that means that i have to grow up.
to be completely honest... i'm jealous of a few friends who are getting married. don't get me wrong, i'm extremely happy for each of them and hope i get the opportunity to celebrate with each of them, but i also wish i was experiencing those things too.
i've been feeling like a failure a lot lately...
the Lord has blessed me with 2 daddies and for that i'm thankful beyond words... stay tuned for a letter to both of them.
i'm so blessed to have met one of the most amazing women i know about 2 1/2 years ago. we don't agree on everything in life and are a lot different from each other, but i'm so thankful for being a part of her life... i love you Na!
the Lord has put adoption on my heart more than ever over the last month or so, i'm not sure what that means... but i can't wait to find out.
in case you didn't know... children might be my greatest passion, other than my relationship with my Savior.
i'm learning that sometimes you have to do what is right, even when it's hard
i feel like my little brother and i are drifting apart.... and i don't like it. i miss you josh man!!
Lord, help the words of my mouth, match my actions always
tulips are my favorite flowers
my hair is longer than it's ever been, i'm hoping to get it cut soon b/c it's unmanageable.
the Lord is teaching me to love those who aren't easy to love.
Krysta & Michael, Rachel & BJ, Lauren & Curtis, Kelli & Kyle, Anna & Stephen... i'm so excited for what the Lord has in store for each of you!!! Congrats :]
McKenzie Mia-Ly Nguyen is absolutely beautiful and i'm so blessed to be a part of her life.
Friday, April 23, 2010
Saturday, February 6, 2010
What I want to do when I "grow up"
This poem describes perfectly why I want to work with children.
WELCOME TO HOLLAND
c1987 by Emily Perl Kingsley
I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability – to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It’s like this…...
When you’re going to have a baby, it’s like planning a fabulous vacation trip – to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It’s all very exciting.
After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, “Welcome to Holland.”
“Holland?!?!” you say. “What do you mean Holland? I signed up for Italy! I’m supposed to be in Italy. All my life I’ve dreamed of going to Italy.” But there’s been a change in the flight plan. They’ve landed in Holland and there you must stay. The important thing is that they haven’t taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It’s just a different place.
So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met. It’s just a different place. It’s slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you’ve been there for a while and you can catch your breath, you look around…..and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills…..and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.
But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy…..and they’re all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say “Yes, that’s where I was supposed to go. That’s what I had planned.” And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away…..because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss. But…..if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn’t get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things…..about Holland.
Through the years God has used many people to help guide me toward the kind of work He wants me to do with children. While the kind of work that I want to do with children has changed, working with them hasn’t. I know that the Lord has given me a heart for children and while that completely blows my mind, I’m so thankful.
Child Life takes place in a hospital setting mostly. Child Life Specialist use play, art, and other activities to explain illness and upcoming procedures to children in an age appropriate, nonthreatening way. I’m so blessed to have to opportunity to work with sick children, to help them understand what is going on in their life. I pray that the Lord will use me in whatever way He sees fit, for His glory!
Saturday, January 16, 2010
sorry for my extended absence...
Sorry for my absence... hopefully I'll be able to keep up with this a little better.
This post is about the handsome fella in the photo below. Hope you enjoy.
For those of you reading this, you probably know that the handsome fella in the picture is my sweet little brother. I use the word "little" lightly. He might be 6 years younger, but he is quite a bit taller, and is beyond his years in wisdom.
Let's go back to when it all began... I was a shy kindergartner in 1993, a six year old who enjoyed all of her mommy's attention, there was no time for a little baby in my mind. You see, it had been just mom and I until I was three, I was having enough time dealing with a new "daddy" and an older sister who didn't have much time for me, a little baby would make things worse for sure. So if your wondering, I didn't like Josh much when he arrived in November of 1993. He cried a lot, took up a lot of mommy's time, and he was a boy... I mean don't boy's have cooties?
As the years went by Josh and I did like most siblings and argued quite a bit. I must say that it was always his fault. Even though we are much older, we still have our moments, but I must say those moments aren't nearly as frequent.
In 2005, Josh and I experienced something that made us closer and more appreciative for each moment we have with people who are important to us. The beautiful gift that the Lord had given us, was gone. We could no longer ride down the road to her house for rice and gravy, or sit and talk with her about the beautiful children she so tenderly cared for. Kathie Jackson was a woman who began keeping Josh when he was about 5 months old, and I would get on and off the bus at her home. We also spent summers with "maw maw kacky" until I was old enough to be home alone until mom or daddy got off work, Josh later joined me when mom felt we could get along without killing one another. Anyway, that heart wrenching day in May will be with me forever. Josh was only 11 years old at the time, but he handled this tragedy with such wisdom. I can remember him crying and being sad like our hole family was, but more than that he was worried about her three grown boys, and grandchildren. Maw Maw and her family are still important to us. Josh sends the boys cards on her birthday and sometimes we run into them since they live less than a mile from us. Josh's love for children began in maw maw's home and I believe that he will continue to carry her legacy with him no matter what his profession is... although being a pediatric oncologist is what he is thinking right now, she would be proud no matter what.
Josh hasn't really had grandparents like most kids, daddy's parents died before Josh was born, and mom's parents never really had much time for us growing up, although Josh and grandmother do have a close relationship now. Through maw maw Kathie and the next family that I will talk about, the Lord gave Josh and I "grandparents." We have truly been blessed to have such influential people in our lives to teach us, take care of us and love us.
Bob and Betty Livingston are family friends who Josh and I grew up with. I honestly can't remember a time when they weren't a part of my life, and Josh never had to experience life without them. Pop and Mimi, as their 5 adorable grandchildren call them, have spent many weekends with our family. There usually isn't a week that passes where we don't see are talk with them. Pop was diagnosed with lung cancer back in 2007 and on a very sad day in June he passed away. The days from June 3-6 are a blur to our whole family as we spent hours at the hospital praying he would wake up. Pop's death was pretty traumatic, he passed away from a head injury and not lung cancer. Josh spent most Saturday's with Pop and Mimi over the 2 years that he battled cancer. Josh had promised Pop not long before this that he would step up and take care of Mimi (her only daughter lives in Ohio.) Josh took that promise very seriously and stayed with Mimi from June till August or September. Josh still spends many weekends and sometimes week nights with her.
Josh has been through more than many adults have. I have wondered often what the Lord is trying to prepare Josh for. I'm not sure what that is yet, but I'm proud of how Josh has handled each situation. I often go home for visits, curly up in Josh's bed and catch up with him on what has been going on. He helps me to see things in a different light a lot of times. I'm amazed by his character, and unconditional love for those around him. I am proud to be his big sister and friend.
Josh- I love you and will always be your biggest fan! Keep loving those around you and living for the King!
This post is about the handsome fella in the photo below. Hope you enjoy.
For those of you reading this, you probably know that the handsome fella in the picture is my sweet little brother. I use the word "little" lightly. He might be 6 years younger, but he is quite a bit taller, and is beyond his years in wisdom.
Let's go back to when it all began... I was a shy kindergartner in 1993, a six year old who enjoyed all of her mommy's attention, there was no time for a little baby in my mind. You see, it had been just mom and I until I was three, I was having enough time dealing with a new "daddy" and an older sister who didn't have much time for me, a little baby would make things worse for sure. So if your wondering, I didn't like Josh much when he arrived in November of 1993. He cried a lot, took up a lot of mommy's time, and he was a boy... I mean don't boy's have cooties?
As the years went by Josh and I did like most siblings and argued quite a bit. I must say that it was always his fault. Even though we are much older, we still have our moments, but I must say those moments aren't nearly as frequent.
In 2005, Josh and I experienced something that made us closer and more appreciative for each moment we have with people who are important to us. The beautiful gift that the Lord had given us, was gone. We could no longer ride down the road to her house for rice and gravy, or sit and talk with her about the beautiful children she so tenderly cared for. Kathie Jackson was a woman who began keeping Josh when he was about 5 months old, and I would get on and off the bus at her home. We also spent summers with "maw maw kacky" until I was old enough to be home alone until mom or daddy got off work, Josh later joined me when mom felt we could get along without killing one another. Anyway, that heart wrenching day in May will be with me forever. Josh was only 11 years old at the time, but he handled this tragedy with such wisdom. I can remember him crying and being sad like our hole family was, but more than that he was worried about her three grown boys, and grandchildren. Maw Maw and her family are still important to us. Josh sends the boys cards on her birthday and sometimes we run into them since they live less than a mile from us. Josh's love for children began in maw maw's home and I believe that he will continue to carry her legacy with him no matter what his profession is... although being a pediatric oncologist is what he is thinking right now, she would be proud no matter what.
Josh hasn't really had grandparents like most kids, daddy's parents died before Josh was born, and mom's parents never really had much time for us growing up, although Josh and grandmother do have a close relationship now. Through maw maw Kathie and the next family that I will talk about, the Lord gave Josh and I "grandparents." We have truly been blessed to have such influential people in our lives to teach us, take care of us and love us.
Bob and Betty Livingston are family friends who Josh and I grew up with. I honestly can't remember a time when they weren't a part of my life, and Josh never had to experience life without them. Pop and Mimi, as their 5 adorable grandchildren call them, have spent many weekends with our family. There usually isn't a week that passes where we don't see are talk with them. Pop was diagnosed with lung cancer back in 2007 and on a very sad day in June he passed away. The days from June 3-6 are a blur to our whole family as we spent hours at the hospital praying he would wake up. Pop's death was pretty traumatic, he passed away from a head injury and not lung cancer. Josh spent most Saturday's with Pop and Mimi over the 2 years that he battled cancer. Josh had promised Pop not long before this that he would step up and take care of Mimi (her only daughter lives in Ohio.) Josh took that promise very seriously and stayed with Mimi from June till August or September. Josh still spends many weekends and sometimes week nights with her.
Josh has been through more than many adults have. I have wondered often what the Lord is trying to prepare Josh for. I'm not sure what that is yet, but I'm proud of how Josh has handled each situation. I often go home for visits, curly up in Josh's bed and catch up with him on what has been going on. He helps me to see things in a different light a lot of times. I'm amazed by his character, and unconditional love for those around him. I am proud to be his big sister and friend.
Josh- I love you and will always be your biggest fan! Keep loving those around you and living for the King!
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Faithful till the end...
I was blessed with the privilege not to work my first year of college. Which was great because I was able to "get my feet wet" and get use to being a way from home for the first time. This summer mom and daddy asked me to look for a job, nothing that would take too much time away from school, but that would give me spending money. I was excited, because mom and daddy had given me the ability not to work last year and I am thankful, but at the same time, I hate asking for money and I really don't mind working. So I began to pray that God would open doors for something on campus that way I could go home on breaks and such. After looking pretty much everywhere that I could think of on campus and coming up short, I was pretty frustrated! About 3 weeks ago a lady who has 2 little girls called me and asked if I would be interested in keeping the girls on Tuesday's and Thursday's for 2-4 hours. It has turned out to be a blessing for sure! They are a young couple who lead the college ministry at the church they attend. And their little girls are just too cute!
But while hanging out with the girls, I can't help but think about the Johnson kids back home. I have to admit that 2 little girls are a little easier then 5 boys, 1 girl and a dog though! But how I miss the way Caroline thought she was the boss, and I could listen to that girl read for hours!! How Caleb always wanted to show me his latest "project" and the way Josiah loved to sit on my lap. Stephen hated to take pictures with me, but always wanted me to read him a book. Every time Moses says my name, my heart just melts and while I've missed out on Noah growing up (I can't believe he will be a year in December) he is so cute!
I am so thankful that people trust me with their little ones! I love children and since it isn't yet time for me to have my own, I'm blessed to get to watch these little ones grow up!
But while hanging out with the girls, I can't help but think about the Johnson kids back home. I have to admit that 2 little girls are a little easier then 5 boys, 1 girl and a dog though! But how I miss the way Caroline thought she was the boss, and I could listen to that girl read for hours!! How Caleb always wanted to show me his latest "project" and the way Josiah loved to sit on my lap. Stephen hated to take pictures with me, but always wanted me to read him a book. Every time Moses says my name, my heart just melts and while I've missed out on Noah growing up (I can't believe he will be a year in December) he is so cute!
I am so thankful that people trust me with their little ones! I love children and since it isn't yet time for me to have my own, I'm blessed to get to watch these little ones grow up!
Monday, October 13, 2008
Life...
I don't know about you, but I tend to take life for granted, from the "little" things like being able to take a shower everyday to the "big" things like having parents who love me and do whatever they can to make my life wonderful (which they do by the way!). The Lord has used many people and events in my life to show me how much I take things for granted. He has shown me how quickly someone can be taken away, He blessed me with a liver disease that has brought me closer to Him and has been a witness to my family, He used a dear sister (Sarah) to help me realize how each day is precious and a gift from Him.
I think about how often I grumble because "... it's too hot", "... i miss mom, daddy and josh." and so on, and yet I just lost an aunt who battled cancer for 4 1/2 years and still woke up everyday wondering what she could do for someone else.
What a blessed life I live!! What an amazing Savior I have!!
Father- I praise You, for You alone give me life and breath. You alone protect and provide for me. Lord, help me to trust You with the smallest and the biggest of issues in my daily life. Help me to look to You The Author and Prefecture of my faith. I praise You for each triumph and each trial for I know it is only You growing, and molding me to be more like You. I love You with all I am, and hope to be! In Jesus Name, Amen
I think about how often I grumble because "... it's too hot", "... i miss mom, daddy and josh." and so on, and yet I just lost an aunt who battled cancer for 4 1/2 years and still woke up everyday wondering what she could do for someone else.
What a blessed life I live!! What an amazing Savior I have!!
Father- I praise You, for You alone give me life and breath. You alone protect and provide for me. Lord, help me to trust You with the smallest and the biggest of issues in my daily life. Help me to look to You The Author and Prefecture of my faith. I praise You for each triumph and each trial for I know it is only You growing, and molding me to be more like You. I love You with all I am, and hope to be! In Jesus Name, Amen
Saturday, October 11, 2008
Who Am I?
I don’t have a name; I’m not considered a person.
Others decide what is best for me I can be terminated in a simple doctor’s visit.
Some of the reasons I cease to exist are; fear of a bad reputation, getting in the way of a career, not being affordable, a girl and a boy to young and some just consider me a mistake that was never meant to happen.
On January 22, 1973 the highest court in the United States decided my fate. Since that day as of the year 2006 I am one of 36 million lives that were ended by someone else’s choice. Many continue to join my ranks.
I am an aborted baby.
My fate has been determined by men & women from every walk of life; rick and poor.
I cannot bear to tell you how my life was ended.
If faced with the decision of my fate, what would you choose?
Psalms 139: 16-17 says “Your eyes saw my substance being yet unformed, and in your book they all were written, the days fashioned for me when as yet there were none of them.”
You decide, Am I somebody or not?
Friday, October 10, 2008
What a Savior!
As I think of the past 21 years of my life… or what I remember of it… I can’t help but think… what an awesome Creator, Protector, Provider & Savior that I have.
He protected me as Satan whispered lies to my mom about aborting me.
He protected me as I came into this world @ 27 weeks… (2 ½ months early)
He protected mom & I through very hard & uncertain days…
He provided us with food & shelter
He later provided a man to love us both… a man who treats me like I am his daughter.
He saw me through eye surgery @ 3.
He saw me through another scary time with my eyes in second grade
He became my personal Savior later that year.
He continues to show me how much I need Him… how desperately wicked my heart was before He lived there.
He provided me with great friends in middle school (Krysta, JoHelen, Jenna, Chase, Stephanie & others)
He protected me from a lot of “worldly” things through middle school & into high school.
He provided an amazing coach & math teacher… who I am convinced I wouldn’t have made it out of algebra with out… (thanks “turtle” no one else would have had as much patience with Leslie & I.)
He protected me through a relationship that in no way honored Him & in that showed me that I am never out of His reach… even when I didn’t care about my relationship with Him at the time.
He was my Peace, Protector, Provider, & Strength when I found out I was sick
He allowed me to finish high school & I praise Him alone for that accomplishment b/c w/o Him I would have never made it.
He provided a way to take a year off for treatment… w/o loosing my TOPS.
In the time off I got to substitute which allowed me to get a feel for the classroom & see if teaching is really what I want to do
He blessed me with a great job that worked around my schedule & that allowed me to save money for school.
He is now providing a way for me to do what I have wanted for so long… go to Tech & pursue my career goals.
He protected me as Satan whispered lies to my mom about aborting me.
He protected me as I came into this world @ 27 weeks… (2 ½ months early)
He protected mom & I through very hard & uncertain days…
He provided us with food & shelter
He later provided a man to love us both… a man who treats me like I am his daughter.
He saw me through eye surgery @ 3.
He saw me through another scary time with my eyes in second grade
He became my personal Savior later that year.
He continues to show me how much I need Him… how desperately wicked my heart was before He lived there.
He provided me with great friends in middle school (Krysta, JoHelen, Jenna, Chase, Stephanie & others)
He protected me from a lot of “worldly” things through middle school & into high school.
He provided an amazing coach & math teacher… who I am convinced I wouldn’t have made it out of algebra with out… (thanks “turtle” no one else would have had as much patience with Leslie & I.)
He protected me through a relationship that in no way honored Him & in that showed me that I am never out of His reach… even when I didn’t care about my relationship with Him at the time.
He was my Peace, Protector, Provider, & Strength when I found out I was sick
He allowed me to finish high school & I praise Him alone for that accomplishment b/c w/o Him I would have never made it.
He provided a way to take a year off for treatment… w/o loosing my TOPS.
In the time off I got to substitute which allowed me to get a feel for the classroom & see if teaching is really what I want to do
He blessed me with a great job that worked around my schedule & that allowed me to save money for school.
He is now providing a way for me to do what I have wanted for so long… go to Tech & pursue my career goals.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)
